ASU RedDevil SexTalk

ASU SexTalk Oct. 13th!

ASU Health Ed Sex Talk

 

Feeling like a devil?  Our  ASU Red Devil students will be tomorrow night after my sex talk! With over 1200 students in the downtown Phoenix ASU campus, it promises to be a standing room  only!  We have a state of the art classroom in the posh Walter Cronkite building that holds 250 students, but with all the goodies Fascinations FunLove has provided, I bet seats go FAST!  Check out the Devils After Dark Facebook page for details!

Talking to college students is absolutely my favorite!  I can remember learning all about sex in college, sometimes it was in good ways and others times in not so good!  My first Human Sexuality class was a psych course in an auditorium room with 500+ people in it.  I still have the vivid memory of seeing women get a C-Section and deliver a child vaginally.  I still get the chills and maybe that is why I still haven’t born my own child!  I don’t remember learning about all the fun stuff I’ve taught college students for years.  Some of my favorites included fun gender topics and games,  a Fascinations like scavenger hunt or creative aphrodisiac projects!

ASU students can look forward to their own juicy topics that will include:

  • What is Normal Sex
  • Anatomy 101
  • Super Tricks & Toys!
  • Safer Sex & Diseases You Don’t Want
  • Nothing Taboo Question & Answer Session

Come learn about some healthy sexual fun and take home some wonderful treats, tricks and information to keep you HEALTHY!

Aphrodisiac Love Affair

Chocolate Cheesecake Aphrodisiac

Nourish Double Chocoolate Cheesecake

I had a love affair with my salad last night!  Seriously, I make love to the food I make all the time.  But I’ve never had the food make love to me the way it did last night!  My Nothing Taboo SexTalk group met at www.nourish123.com last night.  Located in a clandestine corner of work/living condominiums in Scottsdale, Arizona; it’s a like the lover who turns you inside out!

Ok, maybe it’s just me because I really am a food slut!  In a healthy way of course, but I just love food!  Good, healthy clean food makes my merry-go-round!  I love the way my favorites smell, the texture, the crunchy, the vibration and the way it nourishes not just my stomach but my soul!  That’s seriously what this food does for me – nourishes me on all levels!  I can feel my body vibrate with enthusiasm, joy and energy.

Last night it was the Bright Lights Kale Salad that took my breath away!  The tart kale mixed with a fresh walnut and soft squishy fig melted on my tongue like a first kiss!  Sliced strawberries, blueberries, raspberry’s and some light magical dressing caressed my mouth like a good lovers hands!  It was so good I totally forgot about the tasty appetizers… air fried sweet potato fries, artichoke hummus, quinoa and purple carrots!  And like good sex, one round wasn’t enough but I also wasn’t so full that three or four rounds was impossible!  As a matter of fact this food is so nourishing and good, you’re energized and ready to go all night long!

It’s a good thing, because the gluten, dairy free double chocolate cheesecake with a big fat raspberry on top was the most happy ending!  Cool and fresh the cheesecake melted on my tongue and slid down my throat with total ecstasy!   Who needs a lover when you have Nourish’s aphrodisiac food!  Keep watching for the details of my SexTacular Aphrodisiac Seminar series at the restaurant which starts in September!

Wrap Things Up The Right Way – College Times Interview

One of my favorite teaching activities at the university was to ask students to anonymously write down the last time they had unprotected sex. I did this a few weeks before I started the sexually transmitted disease unit.  It was far enough ahead they would forget I asked. Then, sure enough when that section came around they would swear up and down they “always use condoms”.  I of course knew better, because they had already shared. Then at the end of a highly graphic, stomach turning STD presentation I’d pull out those cards and read them!  They went something like this:

  • She is my girlfriend I don’t need condoms
  • Last night because I didn’t have any
  • She is on the pill we don’t need it
  • He promised he wouldn’t cum inside me
  • We got caught up in the moment
  • I’ve only not used a condom once

It was rare that anyone would actually say, “I always use a condom.” People don’t, and of the people that do it’s rare they use condoms consistently and correctly! There are lots of statistics about condom effectiveness but not as many that study the consistent and correct use, because that my friends is what makes condoms effective! Research shows that 30% of people put condoms on incorrectly. A recent study in Canada showed that 94% of males make at least 1 error while putting on the condom before they have sex! One study by the Kinsey institute of college males showed that 30% of men put the condom on upside down and had to flip it and 1/3 reported breakage or slippage during sex.  I don’t know about you, but that’s a little risky for my liking!

In the same college study, 60% of the men didn’t discuss condom use and 42% wanted to use condoms but didn’t have any handy. Even more scary, was that 43% of men put the condom on after sex!  According to a May 2011 article from the Guttmacher Institute, unintended pregnancy costs U.S. taxpayers roughly $11 billion each year.  “The study found that two-thirds of births resulting from unintended pregnancies—more than one million births—are publicly funded, and the proportion tops 80% in a couple of states.”  (http://www.guttmacher.org/media/nr/2011/05/19/index.html). These are costly mistakes. Add this to the fact that there are 19 million new STD’s a year and learning to use condoms consistently and correctly becomes a lot more desirable!

So what are the most common mistakes?  Researchers at the Rural Center for AIDS/STD Prevention at Indiana University and investigators at The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction have done several studies of condom users and the prevalence of condom-use errors, which they discovered are very common.  One study of single, undergraduate male and female college students showed the following mistakes:

(Percent Reporting the Error or Problem During Sex in the Past 3 Months.) Occurred At Least Once
Error/Problem Male Appliers Female Appliers
Put condom on after starting sex 43% 51%
Did not hold tip to leave space at end of condom 40 46
Put condom on the wrong side up 30 30
Used condom without lubricant 19 26
Took condom off before sex was over 15 15
Condom broke 29 19
Condom slipped off during sex 13 19
Lost erection before condom was put on 22 14
Lost erection after condom was on and sex had begun 20 20
Correct Use of the Male Condom, (2007) an information brochure published by the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS)

For more information on this topic and to read a recent interview with Dr.SexTalk and College Times visit: Visit College Times – 8/23/2011

Floss Your Teeth For Better Sex!

People always laugh when I tell them one of my main questions when meeting a man is if they floss!  It actually tells me if they care about their health and hygiene and if their mouth is clean enough to visit mine or other body parts!   Current research shows there are even better reasons to floss gentlemen.

A recent study in the Journal of Periodontology showed a correlation between gum disease and the ability to get an erection.  Research data showed that as the erectile dysfunction (ED) got more severe as the prevalence of chronic gum disease (periodontitis) increased.  Less than 2/5 men with mild erectile dysfunction had gum disease.  Essentially, the worse the gum disease the more likely men were to experience erectile dysfunction, which is no fun for either partner!

The National Institutes of Health estimates that ED affects as many as 30 million men in the United States or about 1 out of every 10.  It is more common after the age of 40 and increases with age.  Professionals are moving away from the term impotence so it won’t be confused with non-medical meanings.  ED is defined as the inability to maintain an erection sufficient for satisfactory sexual performance.  I’m thinking it would just be easier to floss!

When men have poor oral health they not only risk losing teeth but also decreasing their sexual performance!  When poor oral health becomes advanced enough to turn into gum disease bacteria from the mouth enters the blood stream.  Erectile dysfunction is a vascular dysfunction so it’s no surprise these are associated.  This was a small study and further, larger studies are warranted – but why risk anything that effects your sexual functioning?

The easiest way to prevent gum disease is to follow your dentist’s recommendations to brush your teeth for two minutes twice a day, floss daily and get regular dental visits!  This not only protects your oral health, it provides a fresher environment for giving oral sex.  Most importantly, in the end it helps you keep things perky so sexual intercourse is a lot more fun!

 

Pradeep, A R., Sharma Anuj., and Arjun Raju P. (2011). Association Between Chronic Periodontitis and Vasculogenic Erectile Dysfunction, Journal of Periodontology, 0:0, 1-7.

Penis Doughnuts! The Voodoo Doughnut – Where the Magic is in the Hole!

I thought I had seen it all until I stumbled upon the infamous Cock-n-Ball  doughnut at Voodoo Doughnuts in Portland, Oregon!

Doughnut Anyone?

Mouthwatering Doughnut

Mouthwatering Doughnut

They promise the Magic is in the Hole, but in this case I’m thinking the magic is in the er, shaft!  This tasty glazed and chocolate covered doughnut is enough to make your mouth water, your stomach growl and your loins scream with pleasure!  The sugar content alone will give you enough short bursts of energy to not only finish this bad boy, but go for marathon rounds with your partner!

You’ll wait in line for this delicacy day or night on any day of the year!  That is half the fun because you can enjoy the tantalizing wait with your mate, or who knows!  Your mouthwatering desire may find you another doughnut loving mate!

When Is It Appropriate Introduce Play Into A Sexual Relationship?

Sex Fantasy

Sex Fantasy

A Woman’s Perspective On Play…that is…from DrSexTalk.

Sexual preferences should be made known early in a relationship.  I don’t know about you, but in my experience I don’t see this happening with authenticity and honesty.   It seems easy for some and very difficult for others.  It would be easy to assume men are more able to do this, but that isn’t always true.  Many men desire kinkier and dirtier sex from woman and just can’t ask.  How do you ask the mother of your kids and wife of 15 years to tie you up and play domination?  Many can’t and end up satisfying this with other outlets.

Men will have to speak for themselves, but here are some things to consider about women.  The thought – “men have to have sex to fall in love and women have to fall in love to have sex” carries some weight.  Many women want to tap into a kinkier side but fear stops them.  Emotional security about themselves and in their relationship is a huge factor.  Their worried thoughts include:  “Good girls don’t do that.”  “Will he still love me?”  “What if I don’t like it and he leaves me?”  “Is it a sin?”

If you haven’t discussed it drop hints… explore sexual fantasies in fun conversations or games, ask in a love note, go to the adult store, rent an adult film, browse the sex section at the bookstore, search the internet… generate conversation but don’t let it scare you off from asking.  A “no” now may not always be a no!  There are many variables but here are a few ideas that make opening the door easier.

1.  TALK, TALK, TALK but not just about the “fantasy”.  Really understand the core concern and address it!

2.  Emotional security is built when a man has integrity, is emotionally available – willing to be intimate and vulnerable; and the woman feels supported.  (For some women vacuuming is support!)

3.  Assure them they will not fall from grace in your eyes as that “good girl” or the apple of your eye, or Princess – whatever it is!

Keep in mind just asking might be all you need to do.  Your “Princess” might have a pair of handcuffs she’s been dying to try on you…

Why Do People Cheat On Their Partners?

Why do people cheat on their partners?  The reasons could fill this page – but for the most part it’s because something is missing in the relationship.

Usually men are missing sexual satisfaction and women are missing emotional connection.  It’s not always the case, but this is very common.  Studies showed that men used to cheat more than women, but nowadays women are cheating almost as much.

What is missing for people that they seek it in another person?  Men will talk about how much they love their wives yet scour chat rooms or FriendFinder websites for women to have sex with.  They’ll often say their wives won’t do more in bed or they wouldn’t dare ask their wife to do what they really want.  One man told me “She is the mother of my children, how can I ask her to dominate me sexually?”

Women will confide they love their husbands but don’t feel like he pays attention to her and as a result doesn’t feel connected to him emotionally.  Women are vulnerable for a new male friend who listens, dotes, smiles at her and makes her feel special all over again.  Small talk turns to friendship, to companionship, to flirting, to dirty flirting and one thing leads to another.  Suddenly emotional needs are met and infidelity is a reality.

There is so much to say on this topic, where does one even start?  Are we even meant to be monogamous?  Is kissing cheating?  Is dirty flirting cheating or does it depend on your intentions?  What about chat rooms?  Text messages?  Should you tell your partner?  What if it only happened once and you’ll never do it again?  What are the signs of cheating?  Can a relationship recover from infidelity?  Is it true once a cheater always a cheater?

I Am Obsessed With My Body Image – Is This Normal?

Body Image Issues - Questions About Body Image

Body Image Issues - Questions About Body Image

Well, Yes! Almost everyone worries about their body when it comes to sex!

Find me one person who is 100% satisfied with EVERY single thing about their body and you’ve found a rare thing!  You might be a hot “10″ or look like a model but I guarantee you there is still something on your body you don’t like.  The prettiest most fit girl in the room will tell you she has a fat butt or her nose is too big.  That gorgeous tall man that makes you drool is worried his legs are too skinny or that he’s balding early.

Beautiful bodies come in all shapes and sizes!

The real issue is most Americans are socialized with media, movie stars, musicians and print to believe absolute perfection is beautiful.  I’m not saying it isn’t but it’s unrealistic to believe that same perfection exists in ourselves.  Any down to earth movie star or model will tell you it takes hours and an entire crew of people to obtain that perfect look!

WOMEN – just take a look at Oprah.  She has wilingly allowed herself to be shot and on her own TV show without makeup and in a bathrobe!  She looks nothing like she does on her show or magazine, yet it doesn’t seem to matter.   It’s REAL and she is comfortable.  If you haven’t seen that look for the new DOVE campaign that is using older and everyday women to promote their products.  People that look just like you and I.  Besides, most men will tell you that prefer a woman who is NOT perfect or done up all the time.

“When there is a naked woman in the room all we see is a naked woman!”

I will have to say that typically women are more forgiving when it comes to looks but ladies, men are WAY MORE forgiving than we give them credit for.  I’m not saying stop taking care of yourself and eating well and excercising.  You should do that for your own health. What I am saying is when you look at your self-perceived flaws reframe them into something positive as part of your own unique beauty!  Look at this picture and see beyond the physical “flaws” and imagine how sexy she is belly dancing for a man!

MEN – it’s really no different for you.  We seem to be able to see beyond the physical aspects because we’re usually not as visual.  A woman is going to be captivated by your mind, your smile, how you treat her and how you listen to her!   She is not worried about skinny calves or abs that aren’t quite a six-pack!  Look at the picture below… the only thing your woman is going to be thinking about is the fact you’re cooking her dinner!

The secret is to feel sexy no matter what you look like!  HOW DO YOU DO THIS?

I live by the old rule “If you want to be rich then live like you’re rich.”  So BE it even though you may not totally feel it or believe it yourself!  Find out what makes you feel sexy and work it from there.  Wear sexy lingerie, change your hair, buy a new outfit, have sex or masturbate!  Most importantly tell yourself all day long how hot and sexy you are!

When you believe it – everyone else will believe it.  When you’re between the sheets like you’re the hottest, sexiest thing in town that is what he will think and sex will be out of this world!

Is It Normal For Men Over 40 To Have A Low Sex Drive?

Frustrated Male With Partner Nearby

Frustrated Male With Partner Nearby

Hormones – Testosterone Affect Sex Drive

We have our sex drive our entire life but like so many other things – it ebbs and flows!  A man’s interest in sex at 20 is influenced by different variables than a man in his 40′s!  Chances are that 40 year old has had his share of experiences and sowing his seed.  At 20 it’s a new world to explore and fortunately there is plenty of 20 year-old testosterone to support the adventure.  The testosterone tank isn’t always as full at 40 even if you are mentally rearing to go.

Physical and Health Conditions Can Affect Sex Drive

Despite this, you cannot blame low sex drive on hormones no matter what age you are. You can always consult your physician or a sex therapist to make sure everything is in check physically and mentally.  Until then, here are some of the many factors that contribute to low sex drive in men:

  • Being overweight
  • Eating an unhealthy diet
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Abusing alcohol, tobacco or drugs
  • Medical or health conditions
  • Not practicing stress management
  • Being a workaholic
  • An unhappy relationship
  • Poor self-esteem

Low Interest In Sex – Check Your Relationship

If the problems are not physical then look at your relationship.  We usually think it’s the woman who does not want to have sex.  According to Psychology Today there is an increasing number of men who have lost interest in their partners.  In heterosexual relationships, men often feel detached from their partners and do not want to have sex.  Once this happens intimacy everywhere else in the relationship is effected.  I always say this is like a bridge that starts to lift and the gap gets wider and wider to the point of no return.  This is when infedility and divorce become a risk.

If All Else Fails – Just Do It – Have More Sex

If you’ve ruled out health or medical problems and you’re not unhappy in your relationship then just have more sex!  I can’t tell you how many times I tell people to just DO IT even when they don’t feel like doing it with their partner!

Sex is healthy and sex is fun!  Not only does it burn calories, it also makes your skin look great!  Certain tantric moves are healing, it gives you energy, makes you feel more desirable and heightens your emotions all together.  So just DO IT whether you are 20, 40 or 60!

While I can’t say that you’ll ever feel the ultimate heart-stopping passion you felt the first month you fell in love with your partner, I do know this: there are many of us who settle for predictability when we could have more excitement; friendship when we could have intimacy; medical problems that kill our sex life when we can correct them; and the status quo when we could have a relationship that is constantly evolving and renewing itself.” ~Dr. Alan Altman

A co-author Making Love the Way We Used To…Or Better: Secrets to Satisfying Midlife Sexuality

How Do I Know if I Am Having an Orgasm?

Woman In The Throes Of An Orgasm

Woman In The Throes Of An Orgasm

Women ask me all the time “How do I know if I’m having an orgasm?“  If you have to ask then you definitely aren’t having one!  The female orgasm can be elusive and it doesn’t have a cut dry method to its madness.  Unfortunately women aren’t having orgasms; they want them but don’t know how to get them!  So what’s the problem and what can you do?

A Controversy – Not All Women Created Equal?

There is controversy among sexologists of whether or not all healthy women can experience coital orgasm without other types of stimulation (i.e. clitoral).  Many well-known sex researchers like Masters and Johnson believe all women have the ability; and other prominent researchers like Helen Kaplan believe there is some variance and not all women have this ability.  Studies have shown that 70-80% of women need direct clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm.  Studies from 1957 up to now show that only 17% to 45% of women actually have coital orgasms.  I’ll tell you about the coital alignment technique a sexual position that helps this near the end.  So why do some woman have orgasms and others don’t?

The inability to have an orgasm is commonly referred to as anorgasmia.  There are several types:

  • Primary anorgasmia which means a woman has never had an orgasm by any means – masturbation, fantasizing, oral, vaginal or anal penetration.
  • Situational anorgasmia is when a woman can only have an orgasm in a certain way, pattern or position.
  • Random anorgasmia is when the orgasms aren’t regular or dependable even when sexually stimulated.
  • Secondary anorgasmia is when a woman loses reliable patterns of orgasmic response.  This can also be caused by painful intercourse, traumatic sexual experiences or being involved in a unsatisfying relationship.

It’s important to distinguish emotional from physiological causes of anorgasmia.  The use of alcohol, prescription drugs, recreational drugs or even illness can be a factor.  The decreased amount of estrogen in a woman’s body during menopause can also effect the ease in which a woman orgasms.  A physician should be consulted to determine the physical causes.

You Must Masturbate To Explore Your Own Body To Know What It Wants

If you have not masturbated (and many people haven’t) you must explore your own body!  This will give you a sense of your own body, its reactions and needs that make it easier for you to guide your partner!  If this is a challenge for you visit the Ten Best Sellers at Romantic Gifts for some tasteful toys and games that might make it easier for you and your partner to have fun with this!

Get In Touch With Your Emotions To Better Your Orgasms

Emotionally, Doris Lessing said it best in her book The Golden Notebook:

“A vaginal orgasm is emotion and nothing else, felt as emotion and expressed in sensations that are indistinguishable from emotions…”

Keep in mind that as recent as 1957 gynecology experts believed that women didn’t have sexual feelings, sexual needs or desires.  This was only 51 years ago!  A study of female sexuality will show just how much the experts and world has changed in 51 years.  Keep in mind people’s attitudes and behaviors do not necessary change at the same warp speed.  As a 50 year old Baby Boomer, you’re coming from a generation where the socialization of sexual expression and desire was VERY different than what women from the Generation X, Y and Millennial have experienced.  So check in with yourself and discover your beliefs and values about sexuality.

Nothing Like Exercise To Bring On The Big ‘O

Emotionally how a woman feels about herself, her partner and her relationship will make a difference.  If you aren’t feeling great about your body, your life or anything around that it will affect your libido and ability to orgasm.  One quick fix is to eat a healthy diet, do not take prescription drugs unless medically necessitated and EXERCISE!  Study after study show that exercise increases self-esteem and sexual satisfaction!  Check in with your partner and how you feel about the relationship.  If you have “lost that loving feeling” and things like trust, safety, passion, and intimacy are missing explore what you can do as a team to rebuild this.  A sex counselor or therapist might be warranted.

Lastly, SPICE IT UP!

Visit The SexKitchen (c) for some saucy recipes that will light your partners fire!  Try new sexual positions or being intimate in ways you’ve never tried before!  The coital alignment technique is a variation of the missionary-man-on-top position that increases coital stimulation.  Partners line up in the traditional missionary position with the man on top then he moves his entire body forward so with each penetration his pubic bone stimulates a woman’s clitoris.   One study showed that 56% of women increased their orgasmic ability by using this technique!

I think the best place to start is your spiritual center.  Get connected to who you really are and get comfortable with yourself.  When you can do this you can explore your emotional landscape and deal with what you need to deal with.  Although there are many physical causes of not being able to orgasm, in most women it’s emotionally rooted!

You have to determine what weeds should be pulled out of your sexual garden and what seeds need to be nurtured to grow. In some cases an established plant needs to be cut back, trimmed, fertilized and nurtured to grow!  Only you can say but get busy because once you have a coital orgasm you’ll wonder what you’ve been waiting for!