I thought I had seen it all until I stumbled upon the infamous Cock-n-Ball  doughnut at Voodoo Doughnuts in Portland, Oregon!

Doughnut Anyone?

Mouthwatering Doughnut

They promise the Magic is in the Hole, but in this case I’m thinking the magic is in the er, shaft!  This tasty glazed and chocolate covered doughnut is enough to make your mouth water, your stomach growl and your loins scream with pleasure!  The sugar content alone will give you enough short bursts of energy to not only finish this bad boy, but go for marathon rounds with your partner!

You’ll wait in line for this delicacy day or night on any day of the year!  That is half the fun because you can enjoy the tantalizing wait with your mate, or who knows!  Your mouthwatering desire may find you another doughnut loving mate!

Sex Fantasy

A Woman’s Perspective On Play…that is…from DrSexTalk.

Sexual preferences should be made known early in a relationship.  I don’t know about you, but in my experience I don’t see this happening with authenticity and honesty.   It seems easy for some and very difficult for others.  It would be easy to assume men are more able to do this, but that isn’t always true.  Many men desire kinkier and dirtier sex from woman and just can’t ask.  How do you ask the mother of your kids and wife of 15 years to tie you up and play domination?  Many can’t and end up satisfying this with other outlets.

Men will have to speak for themselves, but here are some things to consider about women.  The thought – “men have to have sex to fall in love and women have to fall in love to have sex” carries some weight.  Many women want to tap into a kinkier side but fear stops them.  Emotional security about themselves and in their relationship is a huge factor.  Their worried thoughts include:  “Good girls don’t do that.”  “Will he still love me?”  “What if I don’t like it and he leaves me?”  “Is it a sin?”

If you haven’t discussed it drop hints… explore sexual fantasies in fun conversations or games, ask in a love note, go to the adult store, rent an adult film, browse the sex section at the bookstore, search the internet… generate conversation but don’t let it scare you off from asking.  A “no” now may not always be a no!  There are many variables but here are a few ideas that make opening the door easier.

1.  TALK, TALK, TALK but not just about the “fantasy”.  Really understand the core concern and address it!

2.  Emotional security is built when a man has integrity, is emotionally available – willing to be intimate and vulnerable; and the woman feels supported.  (For some women vacuuming is support!)

3.  Assure them they will not fall from grace in your eyes as that “good girl” or the apple of your eye, or Princess – whatever it is!

Keep in mind just asking might be all you need to do.  Your “Princess” might have a pair of handcuffs she’s been dying to try on you…

Body Image Issues - Questions About Body Image

Well, Yes! Almost everyone worries about their body when it comes to sex!

Find me one person who is 100% satisfied with EVERY single thing about their body and you’ve found a rare thing!  You might be a hot “10″ or look like a model but I guarantee you there is still something on your body you don’t like.  The prettiest most fit girl in the room will tell you she has a fat butt or her nose is too big.  That gorgeous tall man that makes you drool is worried his legs are too skinny or that he’s balding early.

Beautiful bodies come in all shapes and sizes!

The real issue is most Americans are socialized with media, movie stars, musicians and print to believe absolute perfection is beautiful.  I’m not saying it isn’t but it’s unrealistic to believe that same perfection exists in ourselves.  Any down to earth movie star or model will tell you it takes hours and an entire crew of people to obtain that perfect look!

WOMEN – just take a look at Oprah.  She has wilingly allowed herself to be shot and on her own TV show without makeup and in a bathrobe!  She looks nothing like she does on her show or magazine, yet it doesn’t seem to matter.   It’s REAL and she is comfortable.  If you haven’t seen that look for the new DOVE campaign that is using older and everyday women to promote their products.  People that look just like you and I.  Besides, most men will tell you that prefer a woman who is NOT perfect or done up all the time.

“When there is a naked woman in the room all we see is a naked woman!”

I will have to say that typically women are more forgiving when it comes to looks but ladies, men are WAY MORE forgiving than we give them credit for.  I’m not saying stop taking care of yourself and eating well and excercising.  You should do that for your own health. What I am saying is when you look at your self-perceived flaws reframe them into something positive as part of your own unique beauty!  Look at this picture and see beyond the physical “flaws” and imagine how sexy she is belly dancing for a man!

MEN – it’s really no different for you.  We seem to be able to see beyond the physical aspects because we’re usually not as visual.  A woman is going to be captivated by your mind, your smile, how you treat her and how you listen to her!   She is not worried about skinny calves or abs that aren’t quite a six-pack!  Look at the picture below… the only thing your woman is going to be thinking about is the fact you’re cooking her dinner!

The secret is to feel sexy no matter what you look like!  HOW DO YOU DO THIS?

I live by the old rule “If you want to be rich then live like you’re rich.”  So BE it even though you may not totally feel it or believe it yourself!  Find out what makes you feel sexy and work it from there.  Wear sexy lingerie, change your hair, buy a new outfit, have sex or masturbate!  Most importantly tell yourself all day long how hot and sexy you are!

When you believe it – everyone else will believe it.  When you’re between the sheets like you’re the hottest, sexiest thing in town that is what he will think and sex will be out of this world!

Woman In The Throes Of An Orgasm

Women ask me all the time “How do I know if I’m having an orgasm?“  If you have to ask then you definitely aren’t having one!  The female orgasm can be elusive and it doesn’t have a cut dry method to its madness.  Unfortunately women aren’t having orgasms; they want them but don’t know how to get them!  So what’s the problem and what can you do?

A Controversy – Not All Women Created Equal?

There is controversy among sexologists of whether or not all healthy women can experience coital orgasm without other types of stimulation (i.e. clitoral).  Many well-known sex researchers like Masters and Johnson believe all women have the ability; and other prominent researchers like Helen Kaplan believe there is some variance and not all women have this ability.  Studies have shown that 70-80% of women need direct clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm.  Studies from 1957 up to now show that only 17% to 45% of women actually have coital orgasms.  I’ll tell you about the coital alignment technique a sexual position that helps this near the end.  So why do some woman have orgasms and others don’t?

The inability to have an orgasm is commonly referred to as anorgasmia.  There are several types:

• Primary anorgasmia which means a woman has never had an orgasm by any means – masturbation, fantasizing, oral, vaginal or anal penetration.
• Situational anorgasmia is when a woman can only have an orgasm in a certain way, pattern or position.
• Random anorgasmia is when the orgasms aren’t regular or dependable even when sexually stimulated.
• Secondary anorgasmia is when a woman loses reliable patterns of orgasmic response.  This can also be caused by painful intercourse, traumatic sexual experiences or being involved in a unsatisfying relationship.

It’s important to distinguish emotional from physiological causes of anorgasmia.  The use of alcohol, prescription drugs, recreational drugs or even illness can be a factor.  The decreased amount of estrogen in a woman’s body during menopause can also effect the ease in which a woman orgasms.  A physician should be consulted to determine the physical causes.

You Must Masturbate To Explore Your Own Body To Know What It Wants

If you have not masturbated (and many people haven’t) you must explore your own body!  This will give you a sense of your own body, its reactions and needs that make it easier for you to guide your partner!  If this is a challenge for you visit the Ten Best Sellers at Romantic Gifts for some tasteful toys and games that might make it easier for you and your partner to have fun with this!

Get In Touch With Your Emotions To Better Your Orgasms

Emotionally, Doris Lessing said it best in her book The Golden Notebook:

“A vaginal orgasm is emotion and nothing else, felt as emotion and expressed in sensations that are indistinguishable from emotions…”

Keep in mind that as recent as 1957 gynecology experts believed that women didn’t have sexual feelings, sexual needs or desires.  This was only 51 years ago!  A study of female sexuality will show just how much the experts and world has changed in 51 years.  Keep in mind people’s attitudes and behaviors do not necessary change at the same warp speed.  As a 50 year old Baby Boomer, you’re coming from a generation where the socialization of sexual expression and desire was VERY different than what women from the Generation X, Y and Millennial have experienced.  So check in with yourself and discover your beliefs and values about sexuality.

Nothing Like Exercise To Bring On The Big ‘O

Emotionally how a woman feels about herself, her partner and her relationship will make a difference.  If you aren’t feeling great about your body, your life or anything around that it will affect your libido and ability to orgasm.  One quick fix is to eat a healthy diet, do not take prescription drugs unless medically necessitated and EXERCISE!  Study after study show that exercise increases self-esteem and sexual satisfaction!  Check in with your partner and how you feel about the relationship.  If you have “lost that loving feeling” and things like trust, safety, passion, and intimacy are missing explore what you can do as a team to rebuild this.  A sex counselor or therapist might be warranted.

Lastly, SPICE IT UP!

Visit The SexKitchen (c) for some saucy recipes that will light your partners fire!  Try new sexual positions or being intimate in ways you’ve never tried before!  The coital alignment technique is a variation of the missionary-man-on-top position that increases coital stimulation.  Partners line up in the traditional missionary position with the man on top then he moves his entire body forward so with each penetration his pubic bone stimulates a woman’s clitoris.   One study showed that 56% of women increased their orgasmic ability by using this technique!

I think the best place to start is your spiritual center.  Get connected to who you really are and get comfortable with yourself.  When you can do this you can explore your emotional landscape and deal with what you need to deal with.  Although there are many physical causes of not being able to orgasm, in most women it’s emotionally rooted!

You have to determine what weeds should be pulled out of your sexual garden and what seeds need to be nurtured to grow. In some cases an established plant needs to be cut back, trimmed, fertilized and nurtured to grow!  Only you can say but get busy because once you have a coital orgasm you’ll wonder what you’ve been waiting for!

Just a quick note to all my readers.

First of all, I have listened to as many people as I could about redesigning DrSexTalk.com and my team has now launched an updated version.

We’re using WordPress as our publishing platform and I have to say that I absolutely love it. The guys at LowCostWebsiteSolutions.com in Scottsdale, Arizona have done a fabulous job of creating my new look and feel as well as teach me how to update the site as necessary. Of course for the tough coding stuff, I get them on the phone, but for the articles and interactions with you, I can do it all myself and I love it.